Credit: Flicker, Richard Elzey

Does HBO know it’s December? Looking at their December releases, someone at HQ ain’t a fan of jolly old Saint Nick. C’mon HBO, give some festive cheer to your audience.

This is pretty serious stuff if you want to watch something uplifting. HBO is top-of-the-tree, a real gift if you want gangsters, gore, and g-strings. Yet, at Christmas, we want something that satiates our goodwill rather than bloodlust. We’ve already got gift shopping to do, and that takes care of all the violence we need this time of year.

It’s not just HBO’s December

From my shoddy research, the only Christmas movies on Go, Now, Next, When, and Who, or whatever HBO calls their services are Jingle all the Way and Love Actually. They must really hate Christmas because one of those movies is the worst ever — and the other stars Hugh Grant.

Digging deeper into this Christmas conspiracy, the hope was that HBO went early with their festivities. After vigorously researching, AKA reading briefly, there was nothing “Ho Ho Ho” on their October or November announcements. Just the same great content, completely irrelevant to the season. December really is just another month for HBO.

HBO does Christmas snow

If you’re looking for Christmas cheer, HBO ain’t the place. The closest you’re going to get is a snow-related movie or show.

His Dark Materials, a personal favorite of mine has plenty of snow. It’s not Christmasy at all though. It’s about stolen kids and a ruthless controlling clergy. Not ideal if you’re in need of something uplifting, so let’s move on.

About the only movie in December being added that links to Christmas is Mr. Popper’s Penguins. It has nothing to do with Christmas or snow. It’s just that penguins instantly make you think of the white stuff. I mean snow, erm, powder…what the hell. No wonder HBO ends up with gangster movies this time of year.

HBO’s greatest hits

HBO has some of the best movies and shows going. Anyone streaming their content this Christmas will inevitably be in for a treat.

However, it is a surprise that HBO can have the finale of mother-son porn and social media show, Mrs. Fletcher this December, but skimp on Christmas content. It’s not the kind of red-faced festivity most people had in mind this time of year. Plus, it’s not even a good show.